Listen, tufs. I have a real problem with you.
Right now, you’re probably reading this and thinking, “Who is Inked talking about?” Or, “Why would Inked Magazine have a problem with me in particular?” Or maybe, “Inked seems like a real jerk right now, they must be upset about something really awful.” And you’re not wrong to think that, so let’s go. Why the hell are there so few Nicolas Cage tattoos?
You idiots need to kick your ass, call your favorite tattoo artist, and tattoo yourselves immediately with Nicolas Cage portraits.
Normally, when we decide on a subject to create a gallery, the problem is not to find enough tattoos, it is to choose which ones to present. My esteemed colleague wrote about Snoop Dogg yesterday and she found a cavalcade of tattoos. Somewhere around 420 to be exact. But why so much? Snoop is fine. He has leads. But Snoop never fought an cadre of the world’s most notorious criminals to rescue his friends before returning home to see his baby girl for the first time. Snoops has never been in a difficult situation and was forced to run a convenience store for a few Huggies. Hell, Snoop has never even been stung by a bee, let alone a contraption placed on his head in front of hundreds of vicious bees were poured into the said device.
It’s not that Snoop isn’t worthy, it’s that Nicolas Cage is a unique gift to mankind. Statues should be erected to his greatness. His praises should be sung everywhere. And there should be hundreds of amazing tattoos of his likeness, damn it.
Cage is one of those rare people who has the courage to go for it, every time. He’s never afraid to be weird and he’s never worried about going overboard. On the other hand, man is incapable of giving anything other than 110%.
Obviously we think of Cage these days because of his most recent work, “The unbearable weight of massive talent,“a mind-blowing movie where Cage plays Cage. Literally. He plays himself and it’s not a documentary. For an actor known for thriving in eccentric roles, this has to be his most offbeat role of his long career.
Maybe, just maybe, this will be the role that will finally lead to the floodgates opening for Nicolas Cage’s tattoos. Pay homage and get a Cage tattoo today!